let him go

yuhuuuuu Ayun uda putus.

Lepaskan....... Biarkan dia pergi...

kupanggil namamu

Ini puisi karya Rendra yang ada di diary ku tertulis 12 Agustus 2009.

Agak berbeda karena disesuaikan sama situasi kondisi yang lagi Ayun rasain.

Bukannya maksud Ayun merusak karya indah Rendra, tapi puisinya menginspirasikan Ayun banget. .

Kupanggil Namamu

sambil menyebrangi sepi

kupanggil namamu, lelakiku

apakah kau tak mendengarku?

malam yang berkeluh kesah

memeluk jiwaku yang payah

yang resah

sia-sia ku cari pancaran sinar matamu

ingin kuingat lagi bau tubuhmu

yang kini sudah ku lupa

sia-sia

tak ada yang bisa ku jangkau

sempurnalah kesepianku

angin pemberontakan

menyerang langit dan bumi

dan serigala-serigala

muncul dari masa kelam

merobek-robek hatiku yang celaka

berulang kali kupanggil namamu

di manakah engkau, lelaki ku?

apakah engaku juga terjerat masa kelam?

kupanggil namamu

kupanggil namamu

sambil terus memanggil namamu

amarah pemberontakanku yang suci

bangkit dengan perkasa malam ini

dan menghamburkan diri ke cakrawala

keheningan sesudah itu

sebagai telaga besar yang beku

dan aku pun beku di tepinya

wajahku. lihatlah. wajahku

terkaca di keheningan

berdarah dan luka-luka

dicakar kebodohanku . .

Praises and thanks be to Allah, the Lord of the Alamin

Pagi ini aku bangun dengan kondisi mata terasa amat pedas. Huahh huaah . .
Syahdu sendu biru yang terlihat di mata ku kala pagi itu.
Hm . . .

Praises and thanks be to Allah, the Lord of the Alamin. Again I found that I was looking for medicine.
Asy-syifa . . . The real asy-syifa.

ya Allah, lead me always . . Amin

ayun healed : )

Yeahh i was cured :D

Thanks for Mrs. Novi has opened my eyes, and now I feel better : )

No more problematic! Because i do not call that a problem anymore. I already know what should I do and continue to feel good.

So, now I got to do is to share and think positive.

I have God, and that's all I need :DD

Gardena's fitting room :p

This is me with my bestfriend, Rora :D

My junior high school friend, friend of the choir, 2nd grade bench friend from high school, and playmates.

What was wrong with me??

Again yesterday I cleaned my (new) room. And i found something that surprised me.

Wow, she is so tough and strong what I saw, it was also fragile.

What she once felt, now I feel it little too. Yes, I can feel it. hurts, painfull . .

In the same age, but the problem is havier than i feel. Emm . . no no, wrong.

I was MORE problematic.

This mentally distrubed. I was confused to tell to whom. No felt the same thing like this. Too early indeed, huff . . .

Can not tell just anyone. I was too timid. I realize there are people who just like me. Honestly I wanted to share, I do not hold myself strong.

Maybe there, but i still can't found them. Maybe more severe than I, could still in its early stages. I know, i taking this too deep, to much thinking, too guilty, and finally too imagine-shadows.

I can not escape. Because why?? Because I do like. I was hooked.

Oh my God, ay!! STOP! You have God and that's all you need, okay?

Return to the Lord and everything will be back normal as before, first high school classes. Amin , ,

dasar im3 ngehek !!

Bete banget ga sii kalu misal kita sms tapi ternyata ga masuk??

Bikin brantakan semuanya! Bete gara-gara ga di sms, yang nyatanya adalah smsnya itu ga masuk!

Bete sms tapi ga di bales-bales, ternyata pending bro!

Yang paling parah adalah kalu misal kita janjian tapi ga nemu-nemu ma orang yang janjian ma kita. Otomatis ngebuat kita kocar-kacir nyari kesana kemari hilir mudik tiada henti kan????!

And it is very annoying okay?

Arrrrghhhh m3 emg ngehek !!

what a beautiful sunday : )

My eating patterns return to normal. Saturday yesterday finally dengan selamat sentosa aku melaksanakan kewajiban ku to eat 3 times a day.

I'm happy for this : )

And today, i could have my breakfast. Rice meat, egg, banana, and milk.

Lunch, afternoon, evening snacks, and dinner will follow. Yipii yehoo :D

hungry part 2

I finally found the cause why I recently was always angry.

Do you want to know??

Simpel sii benernya yang menjadi pemacu sebab musabab terpancingnnya emosiku.

Just because about food!

Yap! Not fasting does make me suffer. A day i only had time to eat once.

ONCE, sodara sodari !! ONCE !!

First, because my class schedule is always in the morning so I did not have time to touch my breakfast.

Second, during recess I did not find any open cafeteria. And eating place are open too far to reach, given my breaks only briefly. You know myself if ate long.

Third, I could eat when I got home, and it was around late afternoon, almost to the night. Nah, habis makan kan capek tu? Istirahat, mandi, leyeh-leyeh, online, and suddenly I was asleep was so tired. Then my life back again toward morning and so on.

See????

How could it not make me stress and frustration haaa?

Just wanted to scream: I want to eat! I'm hungry!!

Funky (baca : penuh emosi dan irama)

Lately i've been verry emotional. Huff, i don't know why. Pinginnya maraaaaaah mulu, ngedumel inilah ngedumel itulah. Mood Ayun lagi hancur. Hancur, hancur, hancur, mood Ayun lagi hancur!!

Iya porak-poranda hancur lebur babak belur nyebur sumur jadi bubur kecebur lumpur terus terkubur!!

hungry :((

Well, now i'm feel so hungry! Arrrggghh . . Here's fate when not fasting. Hungry : (
You know what? This morning I hadn't breakfast. Now clock showed 14.30, and I still NOT AT ALL TO EAT !!!
Oh my God, this why make me not fat !! huahuahuahuahuaaaa

Dan kalau Ayun belum makan, itu akan membuat Ayun sangat emosi dan akhirnya frustasi %^*(_(#$#$^)_+#@%)

The cafetaria closed, and other eating place, too far to reach.

Mama T.T laen kali Ayun bawa bekal de -___-
Ga kuat nahan lapar kalu lagi gak puasa.

And why i still here? Why i did not go home to eat? Huh, it's useless. Seems there would be no food at home.
Soalnya ntar aja keluarga Ayun mau buka puasa di luar, di D3 Ekonomi. Hal itu menunjukkan bahwa tidak akan ada makanan, except for instant noodle.

Oh enough, yesterday i ate instant noodle.

Uuuuuuuuuuuh, hungry made me can't think clearly. Udah laper, ngantuk pula.
Oh yeah, I tell you something. By the way, i had to sleep in class haha :D
It was boring, ok?? After "Pendidikan Pancasila" (hooaaaaaaam) course, ada jeda setengah jam.
And a half hour I used to sleep in the class hahahaa :D
lumayan : )

wew, the Bibliothek (library) will be closed. See you ; )

being an assertive person.

Today, when I follow the religion course, I got something that made me realize.
Not from what my lecturer tell, but from the board that I read in my classroom wall.
Board that reads : Being an assertive person and an explanation about it.

And the one thing that I realized: I was not an assertive person! :((

oh my God, there are 3 characteristic of people why are not assertive and it all turned out "I'M SO".
Yes, I'm someone who is afraid to hurt other people, fear not received, not liked, so that makes me very difficult to say "NO" and difficult to convey a sense of protest.
And finally I prefer silence and thought it was not a problem, and I became like relented.

Well, I know I'm not a brave woman.
I could never like the others, who freely appreciate their feelings, whether it likes it or not.
I can express feelings of love, but I can not express my feelings of dislike clearly to others.
Could not "directly" in front of them, staring at their faces.
I can not . . .

Maybe you do not believe it, considering I always rebelled like to express my feelings.
but hello! It is only in written form. On facebook, the status of, or in the note.

I'm craven. Too scared to convey what I feel, especially if it was different from other people.

Oh my God, please help me . . Only to You that I begged . . . .

my senior high school prom

Well, i wanna share some of my photos prom hihi . Enjoy : )

rindu

siapa dirimu?

yang berani merusak tidur dan selera makan ku?

yang membuat ku melamun sepanjang waktu?

kamu tak lebih dari seorang anak muda penggangu!

namun ingin kukatakan padamu

setiap malam aku bersyukur kita telah bertemu

karna hanya padamu, aku akan merasa rindu . .

-andrea hirata-