frontalism

love sick? feels so cold and shivering. hates HIM SO MUCH !

cryin' because he has been mean to me . im in good condition no

why u always do this to me haa??

hates influenza huaaaaaaaaatchii~ sroooooott . get well soon ay : )

ENOUGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pingin banget teriak kenceng bgt di depan mu ! nampar kamu ! ngata-ngatain kamu ! mukul-mukulin kamu !!! TETAIK !! *&^(*$((%+%+_

KAPAN TERAKHIR GW NANGIS???!  dying..

SAK POLAH MU !!!! MINGGAT TO KONO ! GAK ! KAMU GAK BOLEH PERGI ! AKU YANG PERGI ! BYEEEEEE !

AAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGH EMOSIIII !!! &^$&^&*(* CETAR CETAR CETAAAAAAAAAAAR !

Astaghfirullah.. mengalir tapi tidak hanyut. i'll give up just like that. walk away . . . should i? killing me softly

you don't really want to stay, NO ! you don't really want to go, NO ! can't get off this ride. how can I decide what's right? you won't take away my pride ! No not this time ! NOT THIS TIME ! how did we get here? you think that I can't see, what kind of man that you are.. man is an animal HAHAHAHAAAA

maybe tonight i can't sleep soundly.. do you see what we've done? YOU SUCKS !!

almost here. hhhhhhhaaaaaaaah i'm doing fine. hope you read this one day, this is my truth. steal my bones. feels so cold. i need the sun. berulang kali. berulang kali. dan terus menerus berulang ulang. seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face. if only i knew what i know today. try to take the pain away. thank you for all you've done. is it game over?

your friends, they're jerk. here's nothing i wouldn't do. would you help me understand? it's dangerous. it's so out of line to try to turn back time. i don't wanna wake before the dream is over. the tour is over. careful and steady

i want to be rich and i want lots of money HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA *mulai gilaaa~

i don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore. i don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore. i’m being taken over by The Fear. that’s what makes my life so fucking fantastic. its not my fault, it’s how i’m. i’ll look at the sun and i’ll look in the mirror. i’m on the right track yeah i'm on to a winner. forget about guns and forget ammunition. cause i’m killing them all on my own little mission.

face-to-eye. there's nothing i could say. all the pain, the tears i cried. now i know how far you'd go. make it stop. i've got to let it go. i'm a fool. i just cant get enough. im so scared. i dont know where to go i can't do it alone i've tried. i dont know why..

ENJOY THE SHOW ! dum de dum. dudum de dum. are u womanizer? u say im crazy, i got u crazy ! AHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA. you are nothing. crazier..

did i hear u right? cause i thought you said let's think it over. i never planned. im close to tears. treat me like a child. now your plain boring. you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no, you're in and you're out, you're up and you're down, you're wrong when it's right. you change your mind like a girl changes clothes. maybe thats gonna be true. ayun yang sekarang bukan ayun yang dulu. cepat pulang cepat kembali dan jangan pergi lagi..

#musicmonday akai kasa ohashi trio . . made me cry . . not enabled the phone. whisper in your ear . . . wish u were heree. if my voice could reach back through the past huaaaaaaa~ i'll think of you tonight. i don't feel so alone. feels so cold this night. i can't lie to myself that you're still interesting. i'd controlled myself so far so good but i shouldn't do that.

thinks that people said : diam itu emas. diam tak lagi emas ma bro sist ! well, ketika diam tak lagi emas? sanubari itu bukan untuk di pendam sodara sodara. my eyes stuck with each other so i've to close them haha. dan bahkan ga ada terjadi jika tidak terbagi. wishes you were here. i lie awake and miss you..

asks are u and me still together? tell me ! feels sooooooooooooooo empty.. hopes can sleep tight this night..

*my twitter in Nov 9th 2009*

let him go

yuhuuuuu Ayun uda putus.

Lepaskan....... Biarkan dia pergi...

kupanggil namamu

Ini puisi karya Rendra yang ada di diary ku tertulis 12 Agustus 2009.

Agak berbeda karena disesuaikan sama situasi kondisi yang lagi Ayun rasain.

Bukannya maksud Ayun merusak karya indah Rendra, tapi puisinya menginspirasikan Ayun banget. .

Kupanggil Namamu

sambil menyebrangi sepi

kupanggil namamu, lelakiku

apakah kau tak mendengarku?

malam yang berkeluh kesah

memeluk jiwaku yang payah

yang resah

sia-sia ku cari pancaran sinar matamu

ingin kuingat lagi bau tubuhmu

yang kini sudah ku lupa

sia-sia

tak ada yang bisa ku jangkau

sempurnalah kesepianku

angin pemberontakan

menyerang langit dan bumi

dan serigala-serigala

muncul dari masa kelam

merobek-robek hatiku yang celaka

berulang kali kupanggil namamu

di manakah engkau, lelaki ku?

apakah engaku juga terjerat masa kelam?

kupanggil namamu

kupanggil namamu

sambil terus memanggil namamu

amarah pemberontakanku yang suci

bangkit dengan perkasa malam ini

dan menghamburkan diri ke cakrawala

keheningan sesudah itu

sebagai telaga besar yang beku

dan aku pun beku di tepinya

wajahku. lihatlah. wajahku

terkaca di keheningan

berdarah dan luka-luka

dicakar kebodohanku . .

Praises and thanks be to Allah, the Lord of the Alamin

Pagi ini aku bangun dengan kondisi mata terasa amat pedas. Huahh huaah . .
Syahdu sendu biru yang terlihat di mata ku kala pagi itu.
Hm . . .

Praises and thanks be to Allah, the Lord of the Alamin. Again I found that I was looking for medicine.
Asy-syifa . . . The real asy-syifa.

ya Allah, lead me always . . Amin

ayun healed : )

Yeahh i was cured :D

Thanks for Mrs. Novi has opened my eyes, and now I feel better : )

No more problematic! Because i do not call that a problem anymore. I already know what should I do and continue to feel good.

So, now I got to do is to share and think positive.

I have God, and that's all I need :DD

Gardena's fitting room :p

This is me with my bestfriend, Rora :D

My junior high school friend, friend of the choir, 2nd grade bench friend from high school, and playmates.

What was wrong with me??

Again yesterday I cleaned my (new) room. And i found something that surprised me.

Wow, she is so tough and strong what I saw, it was also fragile.

What she once felt, now I feel it little too. Yes, I can feel it. hurts, painfull . .

In the same age, but the problem is havier than i feel. Emm . . no no, wrong.

I was MORE problematic.

This mentally distrubed. I was confused to tell to whom. No felt the same thing like this. Too early indeed, huff . . .

Can not tell just anyone. I was too timid. I realize there are people who just like me. Honestly I wanted to share, I do not hold myself strong.

Maybe there, but i still can't found them. Maybe more severe than I, could still in its early stages. I know, i taking this too deep, to much thinking, too guilty, and finally too imagine-shadows.

I can not escape. Because why?? Because I do like. I was hooked.

Oh my God, ay!! STOP! You have God and that's all you need, okay?

Return to the Lord and everything will be back normal as before, first high school classes. Amin , ,

dasar im3 ngehek !!

Bete banget ga sii kalu misal kita sms tapi ternyata ga masuk??

Bikin brantakan semuanya! Bete gara-gara ga di sms, yang nyatanya adalah smsnya itu ga masuk!

Bete sms tapi ga di bales-bales, ternyata pending bro!

Yang paling parah adalah kalu misal kita janjian tapi ga nemu-nemu ma orang yang janjian ma kita. Otomatis ngebuat kita kocar-kacir nyari kesana kemari hilir mudik tiada henti kan????!

And it is very annoying okay?

Arrrrghhhh m3 emg ngehek !!

what a beautiful sunday : )

My eating patterns return to normal. Saturday yesterday finally dengan selamat sentosa aku melaksanakan kewajiban ku to eat 3 times a day.

I'm happy for this : )

And today, i could have my breakfast. Rice meat, egg, banana, and milk.

Lunch, afternoon, evening snacks, and dinner will follow. Yipii yehoo :D

hungry part 2

I finally found the cause why I recently was always angry.

Do you want to know??

Simpel sii benernya yang menjadi pemacu sebab musabab terpancingnnya emosiku.

Just because about food!

Yap! Not fasting does make me suffer. A day i only had time to eat once.

ONCE, sodara sodari !! ONCE !!

First, because my class schedule is always in the morning so I did not have time to touch my breakfast.

Second, during recess I did not find any open cafeteria. And eating place are open too far to reach, given my breaks only briefly. You know myself if ate long.

Third, I could eat when I got home, and it was around late afternoon, almost to the night. Nah, habis makan kan capek tu? Istirahat, mandi, leyeh-leyeh, online, and suddenly I was asleep was so tired. Then my life back again toward morning and so on.

See????

How could it not make me stress and frustration haaa?

Just wanted to scream: I want to eat! I'm hungry!!

Funky (baca : penuh emosi dan irama)

Lately i've been verry emotional. Huff, i don't know why. Pinginnya maraaaaaah mulu, ngedumel inilah ngedumel itulah. Mood Ayun lagi hancur. Hancur, hancur, hancur, mood Ayun lagi hancur!!

Iya porak-poranda hancur lebur babak belur nyebur sumur jadi bubur kecebur lumpur terus terkubur!!

hungry :((

Well, now i'm feel so hungry! Arrrggghh . . Here's fate when not fasting. Hungry : (
You know what? This morning I hadn't breakfast. Now clock showed 14.30, and I still NOT AT ALL TO EAT !!!
Oh my God, this why make me not fat !! huahuahuahuahuaaaa

Dan kalau Ayun belum makan, itu akan membuat Ayun sangat emosi dan akhirnya frustasi %^*(_(#$#$^)_+#@%)

The cafetaria closed, and other eating place, too far to reach.

Mama T.T laen kali Ayun bawa bekal de -___-
Ga kuat nahan lapar kalu lagi gak puasa.

And why i still here? Why i did not go home to eat? Huh, it's useless. Seems there would be no food at home.
Soalnya ntar aja keluarga Ayun mau buka puasa di luar, di D3 Ekonomi. Hal itu menunjukkan bahwa tidak akan ada makanan, except for instant noodle.

Oh enough, yesterday i ate instant noodle.

Uuuuuuuuuuuh, hungry made me can't think clearly. Udah laper, ngantuk pula.
Oh yeah, I tell you something. By the way, i had to sleep in class haha :D
It was boring, ok?? After "Pendidikan Pancasila" (hooaaaaaaam) course, ada jeda setengah jam.
And a half hour I used to sleep in the class hahahaa :D
lumayan : )

wew, the Bibliothek (library) will be closed. See you ; )

being an assertive person.

Today, when I follow the religion course, I got something that made me realize.
Not from what my lecturer tell, but from the board that I read in my classroom wall.
Board that reads : Being an assertive person and an explanation about it.

And the one thing that I realized: I was not an assertive person! :((

oh my God, there are 3 characteristic of people why are not assertive and it all turned out "I'M SO".
Yes, I'm someone who is afraid to hurt other people, fear not received, not liked, so that makes me very difficult to say "NO" and difficult to convey a sense of protest.
And finally I prefer silence and thought it was not a problem, and I became like relented.

Well, I know I'm not a brave woman.
I could never like the others, who freely appreciate their feelings, whether it likes it or not.
I can express feelings of love, but I can not express my feelings of dislike clearly to others.
Could not "directly" in front of them, staring at their faces.
I can not . . .

Maybe you do not believe it, considering I always rebelled like to express my feelings.
but hello! It is only in written form. On facebook, the status of, or in the note.

I'm craven. Too scared to convey what I feel, especially if it was different from other people.

Oh my God, please help me . . Only to You that I begged . . . .

my senior high school prom

Well, i wanna share some of my photos prom hihi . Enjoy : )

rindu

siapa dirimu?

yang berani merusak tidur dan selera makan ku?

yang membuat ku melamun sepanjang waktu?

kamu tak lebih dari seorang anak muda penggangu!

namun ingin kukatakan padamu

setiap malam aku bersyukur kita telah bertemu

karna hanya padamu, aku akan merasa rindu . .

-andrea hirata-

rumah mode with nufaa : )

Oh my God. I miss this moment. Yap, shopping with my bestfriend, Nufa. She is my kindergarten's friend, my neighbour, my sister, and my soulmate. Hahaa :D

Miss u darl :*

he is my boyfriend :DD

yes! i have a boyfriend who i loved so muaaaaaaach ahahahaa :DD

he is a nice boy with his unique personality : )  although his behavior annoying and unpredictable, but that's what make me miss.. 

hellogoodbye : is it love ???

Oh, it is love

From the first time I set my eyes upon yours
Thinking oh, is it love?

Oh dear
It's been hardly a moment
And you are already missed
There is still a bit of your skin
That I've yet to have kissed
Oh say please do not go
But you know, oh, you know that I must
Oh say I love you so
But you know, oh, you know you can trust
We'll be holding hands once again
All our broken plans I will mend
I will hold you tight so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my hand into yours
Thinking oh is it love?

Oh, dear, it's been hardly three days
And I'm longing to feel your embrace.
There are several days
Until I can see your sweet face.
Oh say, wouldn't you like to be older and married with me
Oh say, wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be
Someday holding hands in the end
All our broken plans will have been
I will kiss you soft so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking oh is it love?

Your heart may long for love that is more near
So when I'm gone these words will be here
To ease every fear
And dry up every tear
And make it very clear
I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking oh is it love?